10.20.09

Posts Tagged ‘sponsor

transcript

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Me: hey. doing ok love getting first wrkday of week overwith…what’s the name of yer friens place in boca?
Sent: Sep.14.10-02.22.08PM
Sponsor P: Hi-just getting home sorry missed call. Wellness Center in Boca.
Sent: Sep.14.10-08.53.17PM
Sponsor P: I should be available later
Sent: Sep.15.10-05.52.29PM  (wasn’t)
Sponsor P: Just home. Sorry missed call. Sponsor P
Sent: Sep.16.10-09.28.52PM
Me: how late you up kid?
Sent: Sep.16.10-09.31.07PM
Me: hey.
Sent: Sep.17.10-08.05.34PM
Sponsor P: This is my life- sorry not available this week. Sponsor P
Sent: Sep.17.10-09.37.29PM
Me: this isn’t really working then
Sent: Sep.17.10-10.08.40PM
Sponsor P: I understand. I want you to be supported- later.
Sent: Sep.18.10-08.29.37AM
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Written by xty

September 19, 2010 at 09:36

H.O.W.

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I realized I have not been very open-minded at all. That state of being informed a corrupted honesty and thus made willingness unnatural.  I’m hopeful there has been a cool miracle or spiritual/mental breakthrough that I may stay here and move forward.  New Sponsor P told me last night to be aware of honesty for a bit…just be aware of it through my days, as that is the principal behind Step One. Did I make a decision to be closed-minded and unwilling?  Not a conscious one, that’s certain.

To be honest, I’ve often felt a whisper of jealousy when someone shared “…and then I was ready to do whatever it took….”   I’ll never figure out why my experience has been so protracted and imperfect, but maybe one day I will understand.

Written by xty

September 2, 2010 at 09:52

The 12 Suggested Steps and the Set-Aside Prayer

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A woman at the Sunday night meeting referred to “the twelve suggested steps” glibly and comfortably during her share….I inferred from her delivery that this is how she always refers to the steps. I thought “I ought to do that, that’s cool.” but it is a bit pointed, and I already say something other than  “I’m an alcoholic.”  I don’t need to come off like “what a maverick!”  (I say “I am powerless over alcohol.” Because I have to think about it to say it and I hear it when I do.)  I think it’s cool because the Maverick in me wants to remember to lighten up and create my own unique-like-everyone-else Program, as I have often been advised. Then I don’t think I should go there because the Fundamentalist in me hears “How It Works” all the time as well as some Greenville favoritisms such as “the chapter is  not called How It Thinks” to “figuring it out is not one of the steps.”  How can it all be true?

Yes, here is the dilemma:

Part A: “rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path…..some of us sought an easier softer way….we beg of you with all the earnestness at our command to be fearless and thorough from the very start” (from Big Book, How It Works)

Part B:  The Twelve Steps are but “a suggested program of recovery.”  “Take what you want and leave the rest.”

Big sigh. It was recently suggested to me that I forget my omniscience regarding AA and sobriety and just start from here. Ok. Evidently it is just time for that because it makes a lot of sense.  I knit my brow at the conundrum above, but not for too long.  I have decided to do the Twelve Suggested Steps( henceforth TTSS) sooner than planned (i.e. right away) because evidently they work and what am I going to lose? I mean, can it get worse? (This wisdom came from Therapist K last night, sealing the deal on my conviction regarding TTSS).

In perfect solidarity I was reminded this week of the set-aside prayer, which I will make an effort to say before essentially anything from here on out:

God,
Please help me set aside
Everything I think I know
About myself, my disease,
These steps, and especially You;
For an open mind
And a new experience
With myself, my disease,
These steps and especially You

Written by xty

August 25, 2010 at 00:21

Sponsor R

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So much for Sponsor R.

Written by xty

July 3, 2010 at 07:50

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