10.20.09

Posts Tagged ‘meetings

moratorium on omniscience

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be careful, because the problem with clever is that when everything’s just fodder for the next punchline then eventually everything you take in is just a “yes, but…” and that’s a hard thing to have riding shotgun in your head when you’re alone and it’s late and you realize your alcoholism has been whispering in your ear for the past hour, and suddenly you are very seriously considering picking up your car keys and going out to do something very, very foolish

via Mr. SponsorPants: they don’t warn you.

The topic at the clubhouse noon meeting today was humility, acceptance, and the First Suggested Step. I confess I asked for it, and also confess I am pretty sure I have never in 20 AA years asked to hear experience on humility, acceptance and the 1st step. Always assumed I had it cold. Seemingly hundreds of things are coming together at once these recent weeks (insert several long boring stories here) and when my Hopefully-Sponsor-to-Be asked me to tell him about my understanding of powerlessness it occurred to me that the question seemed fresh for the first time in a long time so I’ve been thinking on it. There are so many things I gotta accept, mostly globbed together in one giant-ass pill the size of a Buick I foresee having to swallow.

On anothernote, this meeting also features the Quintessential Betty who makes me smile because of her southern oldtimer perfection, among a serious arsenal of AA archetypes; in fact, it is now also clear to me that I must henceforth refer to this meeting as the Archetype Meeting.

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Written by xty

August 26, 2010 at 19:33

new

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I moved to the next state down to be 11 minutes from work.  This was a few weeks ago, July 4th weekend. (July 4th weekend must be my huge ass life situation change weekend. Long story. )  I am finding AA here more than amenable – in fact, it feels pretty good.  I’ve met some good folks and already I’m feeling centered here and not too afraid or lonely. I feel like I have…hope? faith?  There is not one but two As Bill Sees It meetings, a women’s meeting that seems pretty real….I will miss some meetings for a bit as I change to 2nd shift this week.  But there are plenty of other ones. A noon meeting I already know I like.

Besides being tearfully lost more than once, it is all going pretty smoothly.  I drove up to my old hometown(s) yesterday to get some objects from storage and my little tiny cat.  I was sad I couldn’t get a hold of her – she ran around laughing, then under a storage building and I gave up. But I got some pictures to hang up and a few other niceties. Being there was okay; I love that city so, but it is extremely close by and I like it here too, so the weird pangs didn’t have too many teeth.

Written by xty

July 19, 2010 at 07:42

meetings

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Said to me by a therapist once: ‘AA is hell for an introvert.” I’ve thought about that remark almost as many times as I’ve wondered if I will ever look forward to meetings. Well, there is one meeting I am neutral to posi-neutral about, and I don’t even mind arriving early or hanging around after. So that’s good. But for the most part, I don’t want to go, I dread it, can’t wait for them to end, leave immediately – or stay home or do something else and feel guilty.

I am splitting the difference these days, allowing 3-5 a week to be okay. It was easy for me to stop altogether years ago when I dribbled down to one every week or two, then one a month, then…none. I made it years after that without drinking, but I did drink again. Of course, I can walk out of Serenity Service tonight and over to Burgermeister’s for a beer just as easily. I think of meetings as a spiritual act, and a cumulative act as well. I know I can’t not go. It’s just fucking hard to sometimes.

I don’t have to like them, and I am fortunate enough to not have too much in my life that is a hardship, which means I am not flying around all resentful all the time. Which means my resentment level about meetings is really really low, if at all. Just a preference. Or a non-preference, I guess. Of course, there are days I wouldn’t even see anyone else, forget about talking to them, if I didn’t show up at a meeting. I hope my relationship with this part of recovery gets easier, because I know it works. When I came back from drinking for 2 years, the same folks were sitting in those meetings as had been before, with that many more years sober.

Written by xty

August 5, 2009 at 15:32

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