10.20.09

I drank some more.

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back after stint in detox….mostly I’ve just been struggling with cravings. driving past a liquor store just fucks with me. I can and do gain comfort, even joy, from so many things, so many, but that demon lusts with a ferocity unmatched…espcially given the bad outcomes followed by worse.

Did I drink because the devil wants to kill me? Did I drink because I don’t pray on my knees every night? Was it because of all those books I’ve borrowed and never even read, much less returned? Never did 90 in 90? A devastating paucity of of dopamine D2 receptors?

There is nothing to figure out. Only a grave, grave respect for this insanity and a prayer every moment.

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Written by xty

July 2, 2010 at 09:12

Posted in alcoholism, prayers

Tagged with ,

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